Studies have shown...

I believe one doesn't truly know when pregnant, the type of parenting style one will adopt.
I for example have taken myself a little bit by surprise.

For those of you who have known me for a while, you may agree, I'm not known for my patience and tolerance. It's not my worst trait, however, I don't mince my words and sometimes I can be somewhat blunt in my phrasing. Not intentionally to be horrid, I don't like upsetting people. I just don't beat around the bush.

So I fully expected to be the type of parent that was all about rules. A stern Mummy. A tough love Mummy. The Bad cop to the Good cop role that always happens in a parenting partnership.

What actually seems to have happened is that I've become the exact opposite! All the things I swore to myself and my family and friends that I'd do I simply haven't. Don't get me wrong, I've not suddenly turned into a tree hugging hippy. There's no Birkenstocks on these feet. I just found myself being much more.....I think the word is soft :)

My first hint of this radical about turn (that's a bit dramatic but...) occurred when Evie was literally days old and we were both still in hospital. I'd been struggling with the breastfeeding and wasn't producing enough to feed her. She was understandably, rather pissed off with me and would cry A LOT through the night. Her cry would send this pain through me that hit right to my core. Her raspy cry from being so dehydrated totally overwhelmed me and I would have, at that point done absolutely anything to stop it. Not because it annoyed me but because I couldn't bear to have her in distress. The lovely new Mum in the next cubicle, who is now a very good friend came to my rescue one night when it had got particularly bad. Evie had cried almost non stop every night for 3 nights and I'd not slept hardly at all. That on top of the labour and the worry of her being a little bit poorly with the jaundice and the infection caused a slight breakdown! This lovely lady comforted me and pointed out that my reaction to her tears was normal and to be expected. That her cry was designed to penetrate my very being because I'm her Mummy! The cries of other peoples babies can be distressing, it can be heartbreaking and sometimes a little annoying. The cry of ones own baby is a physical pull that ties us together in a very primal way.

So when someone suggested to me that I try CC (controlled crying) or CIO (crying it out) I know that I simply can't, Because I've come to realise that if my baby is crying, it is because she needs me.

Evie can't speak (am I stating the obvious?) so if she's hungry, tired, cold, in pain or just in need of some comfort, the only was she can tell me is to cry. Different cries as I've come to recognise but cries nonetheless. So why would I want to leave her? If my sister was crying in distress after being put to bed all alone, I would never just leave her. So why would I do the same for my precious little baby? Yes, things might have been done differently in your day but that doesn't mean that it is right.

I breastfeed on demand, I snuggle my baby to sleep, I won't wean by baby at 12 or 16 weeks. I don't want to introduce baby rice.

What do people tell me?

• That she's greedy for wanting to be fed 'on demand' (or cue fed which I prefer). I then have to explain her tummy size, that breastmilk is broken down quicker than fomula, that she is having a growth spurt or cluster feeding or just hungry!
• My cuddling her to sleep is creating a 'rod for my own back', that she will become spoilt and won't ever sleep in her own bed. That she'll need to be cuddled to sleep FOREVER! I look forward to my 16 year old daughter asking me for that!
• Milk isn't enough for her. She needs baby rice/pureed food/ rusks etc. Fill her tummy with starchy foods before she's ready so she sleeps through the night. Oh pleeease. Firstly, she is growing just fine on 'only milk'. She certainly doesn't need to have sugary fruits or rice with no flavour. It's booby all the way. For as long as possible. And as fantastic as it would be for 8,7 or even 6 hours sleep, it's not going to happen right now and I'm fine with it.

I won't defend every single parenting decision I make as I know that there are still many obstacles for me to overcome and I can't say which path I'll pootle down. I do know that for now, I'll continue along the path I'm on and do my middle of the night research as usual.

 There is one particular site that I find fascinating and she puts some fantastic links up that I have found invaluable. If you're interested in breast-feeding, co-sleeping and really well researched issues, I implore you to check it out - http://www.analyticalarmadillo.co.uk/

It has armed me with so many facts and reassured me that I'm actually not doing it wrong, I'm just doing it the instinctive way. So when I say 'studies have shown...' you'll know where I got the information from!

Until next time

xxx