My daughter- The Time Stealer

I think it was my sister who coined the phrase, Time Stealer. It stems from a conversation we had in the car, my sister, aka Auntie Sally was asking when we could go shopping together. Now there's not much I like more than spending quality time with my sis. Luckily we get to hang out quite often

Evie, Stealer of Time.

However, this week, what with all activities I've got planned for Evie, I just cannot fit it in! Because Evie, and I'm sure I can speak for most mums here, actually Steals Time. She turns a ten hour day time stretch into a thoroughly unproductive 45 minutes. At most!

Ironically the nights are another matter she doesn't so much steal time as warp it. The feeds can take an hour but feel like 4. That 2 hour sleep between feeds feels like 5 minutes. It's amazing really, because I'm sure I'd been told many things about the early months of babydom, but no-one really explained this... The accumulation of hours sat on the sofa breastfeeding. Add to that the hours spent expressing milk too, that's a hefty dent left on your sofa. After the feeds there are the cuddles, the change of nappy, sometimes twice in one go. The clothes changes. The sheer prep time needed to leave the house! On top of that, laundry, cleaning the house, eating. Before you know it, the day is almost over and your starting to plan bath time.

I find myself trying to justify the small amount of housework I've done to my husband, I don't need to because he does get it. But I still feel lazy. Which is stupid because I can honestly say, I'm working harder than I ever have.

So what else wasn't I told? Shouldn't there be a true guide to new mummyhood? I think yes! Here are a few gems of information I think it's my duty to pass on.

• "You can sleep when the baby sleeps"

Um, not if she falls asleep in my arms and needs to stay there to get a good sleep. If I do manage to put her down, I need to use this short time to eat/shower/go to the loo/answer emails etc. I can't move because then she wakes. Contrary to popular belief, less sleep in the day does not equal a better sleep at night. At all.

• Babies, when in a deep sleep can stay that way through all sorts of noise. But if Evie isn't in that deep sleep, just the sound of me snapping the clasp shut on my nursing bra wakes her up.

Her loud rumbly farts however do not?!

• There are many baby slings and wraps on the market. The style that are a long strip of material that you wrap intricately around yourself are very popular. They also require a degree in Engineering and fully rotating shoulders to get on.

• Nappies- They are not as simple as they look. There is a huge difference between Dry Max and the others. Put simply, Dry Max keeps it contained, none of the others do. This ties in with the next piece of info I wish I'd known.

• Sometimes it is entirely necessary to cut of a babies vest with scissors.

•  When testing out the prams in the shop, the nice friendly sales assistant effortlessly folds and unfolds the pram all smoothly. Clipping the car seat on and off with out breaking a sweat. In real life this is a different story. Pram Usage is a module covered in the above mentioned Engineering Degree.

• If you are breastfeeding, the midwives and health visitors ensure that you are drinking enough water. Because breastfeeding is thirsty work! What they don't tell you is that, yes, you will be thirsty. But the hunger is another story all together. I think I would be less hungry with a 15 foot tape worm.

• At first, I carefully scanned though all the children's TV channels and decided on the Baby Chanel. It turns out that as it stands at 3 months, Evie will pretty much watch any old tripe. Bless her.

• The creases in a baby's neck gather all sorts of liquid grossness. It is quite impossible to ever get it 100% clean, so stop trying. Evie is never in a good mood with me after I've tried to get right in there. Same goes with armpits. Because it filters down and sits there. Icky. It also gets into ears if they're sick lying down. Then if you feed her lying on her side, her ear will fold shut and get stuck like that... Not forever but for long enough for you to weird out.

• If you're lucky enough to have a big load of clothes that have either been donated or bought for you, you'll most likely have a fair lot in the next size up. It's tempting due to lack of space to store the next size all tidily away in the loft or garage. However, that sleepsuit that fit on the Monday might very well not fit by the Thursday. All of a sudden, little toes get squished up against the end of babygros. Keep the next size up nearby and in easy reach. Alternatively, pyjamas with open toes will give you more time. 

• There are many different cries that all mean different things. Each baby has their own little noises that eventually each Mummy will learn. There's the hungry cry, the windy cry (I hate this one), the 'Jeeez I'm so tired but I can't get myself to sleep without you' cry. The last one is very nasal... There is however another cry that no books seem to warn you of- it's the cuddle cry. Plain and simple, the baby doesn't know what is wrong, there may not actually be anything wrong. Evie sometimes just wants snuggles for no other reason than she's a tiny baby who loves to be held. Why not?

I'm sure there are many more than in my sleep deprived state, I can't remember. I'd love to know some of yours?